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When you try teach you child to fall asleep independently, there are chances that at some point you’ve heard a word “lovey”. So what exactly is lovey? I will tell you my thoughts and experience with using a lovey for sleep training and hopefully will encourage you to take advantage of this pretty little thing as well.
I realise that this post is long overdue, since I’ve been talking about lovey in my previous post. A lot of moms asked for my advice when it comes to sleep training and many times I recommended them using a lovey to assist with a process.
I think when parents hear about introducing a transitional attachment object to their babies, they often underestimate the importance of it.
When I had my first daughter, I was one of those sceptical parents. We received a cute little bunny as gift and at the beginning I was treating it as a toy.
I remember reading in different parenting books about introducing baby a transitional attachment object known as a blankie or lovey but I completely disregarded those advices.
Never have ever I thought that several months later, this little bunny toy would become a huge helper in teaching my daughter how to fall asleep independently.
Let me tell you something. If you have an infant and you’ve never heard about lovey, you need to get one asap. This is especially true if you are going to sleep training, which by the way doesn’t have to be cry-it-out method.
I wrote step-by-step instructions in this post. The aim of sleep training is to teach your baby to fall asleep without your help. But babies still need some sort of comfort to help them fall asleep easier.
That’s why lovey will be of a great help. Instead of relying on mom’s presence to fall asleep, baby will use a blankie which will be there anytime he needs it.
I’ve seen different recommendations when to start giving your baby a lovey. Obviously newborn will not understand what is it.
I gave lovey to my older daughter at 4 months old, the age, when I started sleep training. I was giving it to her for every nap and bedtime. Several weeks later, my daughter started associating lovey with a sleep.
As soon as I gave it to her, she would pop her thumb into her mouth and start drifting off to sleep. In case you’re wondering, I don’t have any issues with thumb sucking.
Six months ago I had my second baby and I was really determined to employ the lovey thing once again. I started gentle sleep training from birth and I introduced lovey a week shy of 3 months old. I was very surprised how soon my daughter understood why I was giving it to her.
When it’s time to sleep, I hold my daughter and walk with her around the room. This calms her down and prepares for a sleep. At this point I may or may not give her a lovey depending on whether she’s calm enough. If she’s overexcited and flailing her arms, there’s no point of giving her a lovey.
When she calms down and I feel she’s ready to sleep, I then give her a bunny blankie and put her down in a crib. She pops her thumb into her mouth and history continues.
If I nurse her to sleep, I give her a lovey to hold on to as well. If she doesn’t fall asleep from the first attempt, that means she’s not drowsy enough and I hold her for a little bit more.
My youngest actually loves using her knitted hat she got in a birthing center. Make sure your lovey is safe and doesn’t have detachable small parts.
So, here’s what I recommend.
- If you have a newborn, you can start introducing him a lovey as early as at 3 m.o. If you breastfeed, put a lovey between you and the baby, so that it has your smell.
- Whenever nap or bedtime is approaching, start with a wind-down routine. When baby is calm enough to fall asleep, give him a lovey. Put baby in a crib drowsy. Don’t be discouraged if baby doesn’t take it at first. It’s normal, just keep offering. For very young babies I recommend removing the lovey as soon as baby falls asleep.
- When baby wakes up, leave lovey in a crib and don’t allow baby to play with it. He should associate a lovey only with a sleep.
That’s it. Easy as that. If you’re in the beginning or the middle of sleep training, consider introducing a lovey. You can really benefit from your baby using it.
If you feel like sleep training is harder than you thought it would be, consider getting personalised help from sleep consultants over at The Baby Sleep Site. For as little as $6 a month, you can join their Members Area and enjoy unlimited access to baby sleep e-books, sleep training case studies, chats with expert sleep consultants, and more !
Let me know in the comments below if your baby has a lovey and if it helps them falling asleep easier?
Useful Resources:
The Dreaded 4 Months Sleep Regression That Can Make You Want To Cry
No-Cry Sleep Training For Babies
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Nicole says
Hi iryna
I have a 4.5mo old who goes to sleep with no problem but wakes up multiple times during the night. He sleeps 2hr stretches at most right now and most of the time wakes up anywhere from 30, 45, 60, 90 minutes all throughout the night.and even more during the last few hours of sleep (4am-7am). He’s transitioning from being swaddled to having his arms free now which has made sleeping more difficult, I’m going to try your gentle sleep training method of shush pat and pu/pd for the next few nights to see if There are any improvements. We do have a bedtime routine and he does sleep with a pacifier, but spits it it once he falls asleep most of the time. He nurses all throughout the night and seems to sleep the 2hr stretches after nursing. However he’s 17lbs and I know he can sleep longer increments. I’m exhausted!! Any recommendations or help is GREATLY appreciated. Do I just repeat the shush/pat process each time he wakes during the night? Thank you in advance- a very tired mom
Iryna says
Hi Nicole! I feel you, newborn sleep is a difficult thing.
At 4.5 months babies are able to have longer than 2 hours stretches of sleep. I would definitely do shush/pat and not nurse every time he wakes up. At this age I would nurse 2-3 times at night at most. I had the same issue with my older daughter, she would wake up 10 times at night (no joke) and would require breast to go back to sleep.
So what I would do is nurse him really well before sleep, making sure he had a good meal. You can also try what is called dream feeding. Just before you go to sleep try feeding him again without waking up. It works for some kids.
When the night comes limit nursing to a few times at night. Set the approximate times when you want to feed, for example at 11 pm, 1 am, 4 am. If he wakes up in between, do shush-pat. It may be exhausting in the first night especially if he used to nurse more often. But just don’t give up, do everything it takes to comfort the baby without feeding. It might take you a few nights to break the habit. But if you are consistent you are sure to see positive results.
Also, if you haven’t introduced a lovey yet, I highly recommend you to. It tremendously helped with sleep training for both of my daughters. Hope this helps!
Nicole says
Thank you so much for your response. I’m going to give dream feeding a try and set approx nursing times to limit that as well. He does sleep with his wubanub pacifier that has the little stuffed animal attached. Does that count as a lovey or should it be something not related to the binky? Do you have any swaddle transition suggestions? He seems to be having a really difficult time with that as well and I ended up using the arms up swaddle for now, but he still doesn’t have his arms free even though he rolls over all the time during the day. It makes me. Little nervous at night, he just really seems to enjoy being snug still! I swear, if it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s always something. Thank you again for your help!
Iryna says
I think it’s better to use a different lovey not related to binky and give it to him only for sleep time. You can also tuck the lovey into your shirt and wear it for a bit. That way, the lovey will have your smell and baby might like it more. In terms of transitioning, I loved using these transitional swaddles with my younger daughter https://lovetodream.com/. I just regret I didn’t order them sooner.
Courtney says
My baby is 5 months old. He has a lovey blanket but we had been using it mostly in the car seat or sometimes as a little cover when nursing in a pinch. Can we use the same lovey for sleep association, or should we get a different lovey to differentiate?
Iryna says
Hi Courtney!
For safety reasons I would give something smaller than blanket, although I don’t know the size of yours. If you decide to use the current blanket, I would make sure not to use it anywhere else except for sleep. Sleep in car seat counts too.
Shalini says
Do you the same during the day? Or is this bedtine routine only for at night?
Iryna says
Yes, during the day and night. My younger daughter is 2 y.o. now, but she still sleeps with her lovey that I introduced to her when she was an infant.
Umme says
Hi, my baby is 4 mo & is usually breastfed or rocked to sleep. Currently he has a habit of putting everything in his mouth. If we introduce a lovey, in all probability he will put it in his mouth. Is that fine? What would you suggest?
Iryna says
Hi! Yes, it’s absolutely normal. Babies like to suck on their fingers or the piece of cloth, especially at this age. This is the best time to introduce a lovey.
Keley O says
Our 4 month old is still being swaddled. How should we introduce a lovey if he can’t hold it? Or should it just lay next to him?
Iryna says
Yes, I would lay the lovey next to the baby. But remove it and don’t show it to him when nap is over. And I always tried to have the lovey close to the baby during every bedtime and naptime rituals. If you breastfeed before sleep, you can tuck it in between you and a baby. Eventually a child will get used to the idea that lovey means sleep is coming.