This No Cry Sleep Training is a tried and true method that I successfully used to teach my infant daughter to fall asleep independently. This sleep solution is based on my own experience and on numerous baby sleep books that I've read.
My detailed and gentle step-by-step approach will help you reclaim a much needed rest and your baby learn to self-sooth without crying it out.

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Pop quiz. Which of these do you agree with?
- My child is a great sleeper.
- He easily falls asleep as soon as he’s tired.
- Phrase “sleeping like a baby” is not about my child.
- He would only sleep in a car seat/rocking chair/on my chest.
How to teach a baby to put himself to sleep. No cry-it-out method
If you agreed with the first 2 statements, - congratulations! You officially have an easy baby.
If you agreed with the second two, you’re probably researching all possible parenting resources to get your child to sleep well and have your sanity back.
Well, you’re not the only.
Welcome to the “parents club” where kids simply don’t sleep.
I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to spend hours of rocking baby to sleep. It's not fun at all!
When my first daughter was born, I never knew how to put a baby to sleep. I just followed the usual unspoken guidance and rocked her in my arms until she would snooze.
And while at the beginning it was easy and quick, over time I started to notice that it took more and more time to get her to sleep.
What made the situation more difficult is "dreaded" 30-40 minute naps.
There were times when I would spend 30 minutes of rocking her to sleep and then she would sleep for 30 minutes only! Can you relate?
It was just exhausting! My wrists were so sore.
That’s when I started reading all possible literature on baby’s sleep.
I still have a stack of those books at home. And while many methods of putting baby to sleep required different variations of cry-it out method, I just couldn’t do it.
Even despite my huge exhaustion, I couldn’t let my daughter cry-it-out.
It wasn’t until I discovered a couple of very similar methods, that I realised that sleeping techniques for babies can be less drastic.
My main goal was to teach my daughter to fall asleep independently without any help.
So after my extensive research, I successfully taught my daughter to fall asleep independently when she just was 4 months old.
I know this method works, because a couple of my friends had the same great results with this technique after I shared it with them.
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Today, I want to share with you the main principles of no cry sleep training.
If you follow these steps and don't give up after a few days, you will definitely see the results.
How To Get Baby Sleep In Crib Without Crying It Out?
- Carefully observe your baby's sleep cues making sure he's ready for sleep.
- Establish a good wind-down routine and repeat it every single time before nap/bedtime.
- Introduce a lovey
that your child will associate his sleep with.
- Put baby in a crib when he's sleepy but awake.
Now, let's go into more details.
So you’ve probably heard that you should put baby to sleep awake.
Sounds unrealistic, right? Especially when they scream their lungs out.
But here’s the deal.
You have to set the scene before putting him into his crib awake.
If your child has just been playing with your husband or enjoying his musical mobile over the head, now may not be the best time to put him in his crib awake.
Step # 1. Watch for baby’s sleep signs.
Babies have different awake time depending on their age.
Newborns usually stay awake for about 45 min - 1 hour, while 6 months old baby can play for 2-2.5 hours before he’s ready for some sleep. Here's a great guidance on baby awake times.
It’s good to know these awake times so that you could always know when your child is ready to sleep.
In addition to this, it’s important to see baby’s sleep cues: yawning, rubbing eyes, slower motions, appears to be uninterested in playing with toys.
As soon as you notice some of these signs and you know the timing is right for a nap, start with a step #2.
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Step #2. Establish a good wind-down routine.
Regardless of your baby’s age, he absolutely needs some quiet time before going to sleep.
Younger babies generally need less time to wind-down, older - a bit more. Your child is the main indicator for that.
Wind-down routine can last 5-10 minutes or a bit longer if you see the baby is not calming down.
The key is to be consistent with this routine. Don't miss this step!
Over time your child will understand that after wind-down routine, sleep is coming.
Wind-down routine can be anything that makes him calm and ready for sleep.
Examples of good wind-down routine:
- read your baby a calm short story. The going to bed books like this or this would work as well.
- hold baby in your arms for a little bit and walk around the room
- sing a lullaby
- show different items around the house
- close the blinds or curtains
- swaddle
- nurse (but don't let him fall asleep during nursing)
- turn on the white noise machine or soother.
Both of my kids absolutely loved falling asleep with baby soother lights.
Now they are older but we still have this machine standing right by their bed lulling them to sleep. Should I swaddle my baby?
There are lots of opinions and controversies whether a baby should be swaddled, but I'm a firm believer in swaddling.
I can't imagine putting my babies to sleep without swaddling them first.
It helped so much with staying warm and cozy and at the same time it kept them from being disturbed by their own startle reflex (which we know happens A LOT when they are babies).
For swaddling I loved Aussie Swaddle technique and I think it's one of the best ways to swaddle a baby especially when they learn to roll over.
I always had a pair of my favorite muslin swaddle blankets. They are large enough to accommodate any swaddling technique.
Plus, they are super breathable and perfect for little babies. And if you want to speed up the swaddling process even more, I can't recommend enough Love to Dream swaddle.
I discovered it only with my second daughter and I absolutely adored this swaddle. It allowed her to sleep in her preferred arms up position hence she were able to self soothe without my help.
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Step #3. Introduce a lovey.
Lovey is a transitional object that your baby will associate his sleep with.
It can be a piece of washcloth, a small stuffed toy, or a special security blanket.
You can start introducing lovey as early as 4 months of age. I suggest giving it to your baby only when it’s time to sleep.
At first your child won’t understand what it is for, but over time he’ll get the idea. Don't underestimate the importance of lovey!
I observed how surprisingly attached my kids became to lovey and associated their sleep with it.
To make the most out of it, give lovey only for naptime/bedtime. Don't let the baby play with it. It's just for sleep.Step #4. Put baby in a crib awake
I know it’s easier said than done, but it is totally possible.
Provided that you followed all the above steps, by the time you put baby down in a crib, he should be calm and ready for sleep. Gently put him down in his crib.
However, if you used to rock or nurse baby to sleep, most of the time, don’t expect a positive reaction to this step.
If he starts crying, lean toward his ear, whisper long shhhhh sound and rhythmically but lightly pat him on his back or shoulder.
If crying escalates, you can pick up the baby, calm him down and lay back into his crib. Repeat the previous step with shushing and patting if baby is still crying.
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Now, this step may take longer than you expected and you might find yourself picking up baby many times.
But that's all right. We're changing the routine and first times are never easy. But it will get better.
When the baby starts to calm down in his crib, you can keep shushing-patting, but as soon as you notice baby starts to fall asleep, stop shushing.
You want him to fall asleep on his own and not become dependent on shush-pat.
So again - as soon as baby starts to calm down, stop shush-pat. Don't shush-pat till baby falls asleep, you want him to still be awake but not crying.
And that's it!
Consistency here is a key. If you keep doing this method for all naps and bedtime, soon you will notice that your baby will not be dependent on you to fall asleep.
This gentle sleep-training can take you as little as 5 days to start seeing results.
But it really depends on your baby’s age and temperament. The earlier you start practicing this method, the sooner you’ll see the results.
For older babies (over 6 m.o.), you may try modifying shush-pat technique, since patting on the back may be too stimulating for them.
Instead, try gently stroking their hair or putting your hand over the shoulder or tummy and keeping the shhhhh sound. Find what works for your baby.
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Believe me, I know sleep training is hard. Whichever method you choose, it always requires lots of efforts from mom to make it work.
At times, I wasn't sure whether I could finish what I've started. And on the days like those you could have have found me lying in my bed in the middle of the night and reading all possible baby sleep sites.
But you know what?
I knew I wanted my daughter to fall asleep independently. I couldn't imagine going back to our rocking routine. I was very persistent with the above steps and it definitely paid off.
With my consistent efforts I was able to achieve my goals and teach my daughter to fall asleep independently.
I hope my true and tried methods will help to make your mom life a little easier.
But if at any point you feel like sleep training is harder than you thought it would be, consider getting personalized help from sleep consultants over at The Baby Sleep Site.
Join their Members Area, and enjoy unlimited access to baby sleep e-books, sleep training case studies, teleseminars, chats with expert sleep consultants, and more - all for as little as $6 a month!
Iryna Bychkiv is the founder and writer of the culinary website Lavender & Macarons, where she shares clean, European-inspired recipes that are delicious, easy to prepare, and made with wholesome ingredients. Iryna loves creating meals that are simple yet healthy and unique, including vegan and vegetarian recipes.
Iryna is also a freelance writer for MSN and Associated Press Wire.
Rachella says
My 4 month old girl has gone completely downhill with night time sleep the past 3-4 weeks. She's a hot tempered little diva and got used to only sleeping in my arms during nap time. I can get her in her crib for 20 minutes max. But pick her up and she's back out. I've tried to shush pat before but how are you suppose to pat their back or butt if the keep arching trying to roll on their back while crying like you've abandoned them? Do I let her cry?
Iryna says
Hi! Shush-pat definitely requires some time. If she arches her back, then she's not drowsy enough. Pick her up, do what you used to do to make her sleepy and relaxed and when she's about to fall asleep, put down in a crib and shush-pat. If she arches her back and cries, pick up and repeat the previous step. Unfortunately there's no a magic trick and gentle sleep training requires time. When I was doing sleep training for my first daughter, the first week into it, I spent a lot of time in her room shushing and patting. It was exhausting, but eventually, she got used to the new routine and started falling asleep in her crib without my help.
I don't think you should let your daughter to cry-it-out. For the past 4 months she used to fall asleep in your arms, so for her it's frustrating that things now are not the way the used to be.
Also, 4 months is a time of major sleep regression. It may take a few days until the sleep is back to where it was before.
Anyways, just take your time and don't rush through the steps of sleep training. If you're consistent with it, you'll notice good results very soon.
Bee says
Hello.
I am a first time mom to a 4 month old daughter. She is not a good sleeper or napper. Putting her down for any type of sleep is always a huge battle:(. I've been trying very hard to look for those sleep cues but havnt been too successful so I have been trying to put her down 90 mins after she wakes. I feed her and then rock her (while she sucks on her pacifier) in return for a 40-45 min nap. During the night she wakes up at least 3 times (I don't know if this is a comfort thing or she's actually hungry:S).
I really want to sleep train in hopes she will learn to sleep on her own and continue her sleep cycles. My problem is she has been getting use to falling asleep with a pacifier, and 90% of the time as soon as the pacifier falls out she's awake. I'm not sure how to sleep train with the pacifier? Or if I should even be using it? I would love some advice.
Thanks in advance
Iryna says
Hi Bee,
I would suggest replacing pacifier with a lovey. At 4 m.o. baby is capable to understand what is it for. It will not work instantly, but over the course of several days or a week, she'll start associating lovey with a sleep. I had great success with using lovey for both of my kids. You can read more about it here
Regarding waking up 3 times at night, it actually may be normal for 4 months olds. Do you nurse her at night? If she eats with a good appetite every time she wakes up, then she's probably hungry. If she takes just a little bit of milk, then it's probably a comfort thing. Again, I recommend introducing a lovey. My older daughter is 10 m.o. now and whenever she wakes up at night and I know she's not hungry, I give her a lovey and most of the time it calms her down.
Bee says
Thank you for your response.
Should I remove the pacifier cold turkey, or should I introduce the lovey while she has the pacifier and gradually remove the pacifier.
Thanks for the link too, it was very helpful.
Iryna says
I would do it gradually. Let her get used to lovey, giving it for all naps and bedtime. Then in 4-5 days or so you can start removing a pacifier.
Micaiah says
I am struggling with my 7 month old. He is able to put himself down for naps with his babysitter and even with Daddy (when mommy is gone). However, at night it is hard to put him down awake. I have started putting him down sleepy but awake and he will sleep about 1.5-2.5 hours but will wake up wanting to eat.
I forgot to mention he is eating about 6-9 oz of solid foods, drinking 2-3 6oz bottles while I am at work (between 8:30-4:30) and then nursing 2-3 more times before bed. So he is getting plenty of food during the day!
He then will not go back to sleep without nursing and 9-10 times will joy Hobbs k to the crib and ends up in bed with my husband and I and continues to wake 2-3 more times.
Am I wrong to think he is eating enough during the day and should not need night feedings? Also, what would you suggest I do for being more successful with putting him down awake for initial bed time and how can I keep him asleep longer.
Iryna says
Some kids still wake up at night even when they have plenty of food during the day. My daughter is like that now. She's 9 m.o. and eats well during the day, but wakes up 1-2 times at night to nurse.
There are several reasons why kids still wake up at night at this age. First - Some babies want an extra contact with mommy during the night. Second reason is that waking up at night may be habitual. Does he wake up roughly at the same time each night? If no - he may hungry indeed. If yes, then I would suggest it is a habitual waking. What if you try and soothe him with other methods other than nursing? I know it might be that you've tried it already and unsuccessfully but just keep offering him other soothing methods, eg by gently rubbing the back, stroking his hair or holding in your arms until he's drowsy. Or, the first few times, you can even try to hold him until he's asleep and then put down in a crib. Maybe these few times will be enough to break a habit.
Also, give this a read "Gentle Removal Plan". -http://www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0 I've used to spend hours on that forum when my first daughter was younger and was such a bad sleeper.)
Regarding being more successful about bedtime, I would say just be consistent. Make sure there is a good wind-down routine in place, it's important. If he can fall asleep independently during the day, I suspect he needs just a little bit of nudging to be able to do it at night as well.
Ally says
Any tips for a one year old that doesn't want to sleep through the night anymore? He stands up in his crib and cries so rubbing his back until he sleeps isn't any option.
Iryna says
Hi Ally,
You can try gradual withdrawal method. I did it when my first daughter was about 2 y.o., but it's suitable for younger babies too.
Basically you rub his back until he's almost sleepy. And when you feel like he's quite and about to fall asleep real soon, stop and see what happens. If he cries, rub his back again until he's almost sleepy. Repeat this step as long it's necessary until he falls asleep without your help. Over the period of next few days, try to limit the amount of time you rub his back. Maybe just a little bit in the beginning and then allow him to do all the falling asleep independently. Eventually try to soothe him with your voice or just standing next to his crib.
It’s a gradual method, which takes some time, but it definitely works.
Also, if he used to sleep through the night, maybe a growth spurt or teething is the reason for this wakings?
Ines says
Hi, thanks a lot for your article yesterday at 3am :/ I'm really happy.to have found a no-tears method, cause I can't stand hearing my LO suffering!
He's 8 and a half... And falls asleep when nursing... I try to feed him when he's not so sleepy but he doesn't want to...he prefers to play.. He takes his naps consistently every day at approx the same time... But at night he wakes up every 1 and a half hours.. I've tried many things but I always end up feeding him again and having him sleep with me. From today on, I'll try your method!! Hope it works!!
Iryna says
Hi Ines,
Older babies can be such fussy eaters. My younger daughter is exactly like that. She's also 8,5 months and it's so hard to nurse her during her awake time. One thing that helps during these situations is baby sling. I just put her there and nurse while walking around the house. Sounds funny, but this really works and she eats while staring at different things.
Regarding sleep training, it's so tough when baby wakes up that often. My older daughter was like that and I had to nurse her like 10 times at night.
Definitely try this technique, it may be difficult especially at night when everyone wants to sleep. But consistency is a key here. One thing worths to mention though. Since your son is 8 months old, he may not like shush-pat anymore. You'll have to figure out what kind of soothing technique he prefers. My youngest liked shush-pat when she was a baby, now she prefers light massage. Shush-pat can be a little stimulating at this age.
Misty says
Hi! My 2 mo old falls asleep every time he is fed. He is breastfed and formula fed. So either by nursing or the bottle, he falls asleep 90% of the time. How do I lay him down drowsy but awake when I want him to completely finish eating first?
We have a bedtime routine of bath, reading a book, then feeding. So after the feeding he is asleep most of the time before I have a chance to lay him down drowsy.
Thanks for the help!
Iryna says
Misty, are talking about both naps and bedtime? For naps, did you try feeding him right after he wakes up from previous nap? That way he will not be hungry to eat again before his next sleep. Or he might take some food but he won't eat that much to make him sleepy.
Misty says
Thanks for your reply. I am talking about bedtime only. My routine is bath, read a book, then eating and he falls asleep during the feeding, sleeping for 5+ hours during the night before waking up hungry.
So should I not be feeding him right before bedtime, because he will get use to feed to sleep only? I have tried a few times to feed, then bath, then read and he is wide awake.
Iryna says
I think for 2 m.o. sleeping 5 straight hours is pretty good. If he used to fall asleep during nursing, it's natural that he'll require breast every time in order to fall asleep. That being said, what if you feed him after bath before reading a book? He'll most likely be wide awake, so you'll have to figure out other methods to soothe him and make drowsy beside nursing.
Some of my suggestions are putting on a white noise, singing a lullaby, and making a room very dark to eliminate distractions. You can walk with him around the room until he's drowsy and then put to bed. If he's wide awake, shush-pat. If doesn't help, pick him up and walk with him again until he's calm and drowsy.
That's how I did it. First few times, it may take you several attempts to put him to sleep by himself but it will get easier overtime.
Karren says
My 3 month old, almost 4 month old, is used to falling asleep in my arms, being rocked. He's fallen asleep before when he's put to bed awake, but lately whenever I put him down he starts to scream. I'll pick him up to calm him and put him down once calm, but once I put him down again he will scream.
My question is... do I need to stand there and pick up/ put down until he falls asleep? Which you mention can take up to an hour. And does this method work if he's not 'awake' once he finally falls asleep. I wonder because at that point he has basically fallen asleep in my arms and thinks I'm still there. I hope that makes sense.
Iryna says
Hi Karren,
Yes, I recommend doing Pick Up/Put Down until he falls asleep. If you say, he's fallen asleep before when put to bed awake, then it might not take very long to put him down awake this time as well. At 4 months old babies go through a major sleep regression, so that might be the reason why he doesn't want to fall asleep on his own now. Also, I don't recommend doing PU/PD for too long if it's been more than 2 hours since his last sleep. Because then he'll become overtired and will resist any sleep training. If that's the case, put him to sleep with your regular methods and try again with sleep training for the next nap.
My 5 m.o. daughter generally falls asleep on her own, but sometimes especially by the end of the day when she's tired I can put her to sleep through nursing or other methods, because she fights being put to bed awake.
Does your son have a lovey, or pacifier to help him with self-soothing? I found a lovey to be extremely helpful for both of my kids. It's like a signal, that it's time to sleep.
Renae says
After scouring the Internet for my LOL first 5 months, I've now realized and listened to the advice online that said don't even try to sleep train before 6 months! You seem to have one of the few lucky ones where it worked. I find that's not the majority, which is why I waited until after the 4 month hell- I mean sleep regression stage. Many a nights full of me just sitting up crying in the dark.
Now that he is turning 6 months in 2 days, I've started to "lightly" sleep train. This is coming from a baby where I absolutely needed to rock, nurse and hold him to sleep for every nap and sleep time!
What I started to do for every single nap is wait until I see sleep signs, wind down and then lay him in a twin bed inside his room AWAKE while I sit at his feet and give him some rubs or pats or hold his hands (not everyone has the luxury of having a spare twin in the nursery so your master bedroom would work). This is simply to get him used to drifting off without me holding him or nursing him. (Nurse about 15 min before he should go to bed.) Then after sleeping about 5-10 min, I transfer him to the crib!
To my shock, this worked the very first day and every day since (still on my 1st week!) He actually stays asleep after I transfer him!
After he's used to this, then I will feel comfortable putting him in his crib and doing your steps 4 and 5!
Do whatever works best for your child! You know her through best!
Jenn says
Hi there! I had sleep problems with my first so now with my second I'm implementing sleep help now. My LO is 3 months old and I'm trying to put her down for naps like you say.
1) I have a two year old and sometimes catching the sleepy signs are missed. Will it still work but just take longer?
2) Once she's asleep in her crib she always wakes up after 25-35 mins. From everything I've read, this is too short of a nap. How do I get her to continue sleeping past this point? If I have to just wait it out, how long will it take? Sleep is very important and I would rather hold her so she gets the sleep she needs. I just know this will make it difficult later.
3) In your opinion, how many naps should she be having and how long for each one? I know it changes around 6 months to be a more precise 2 long naps and one short evening nap, but I would like to know for up to that point.
Please help! Thanks. ?
Iryna says
Hi Jenn!
As baby gets older, it becomes a little more difficult to catch those sleep cues so I would try go by the clock. At 3 months, awake time should be 1.30-1.45 hrs (meaning that by 1.30 or 1.45 hrs she should be sleeping). So at around 1 hour and 15 minutes mark watch closely for those cues. Mine would become uninterested in toys and playing, that's how I know sleep time is coming. Give 5-10 minutes for wind-down. If you miss the sleep window, meaning go beyond the age appropriate awake time, it may be a little more difficult to put baby to sleep awake, because she'll be overtired. If you can't recognise sleep cues, just go by the clock. When I sleep trained my youngest, I would try not to miss a sleep window to put her down drowsy, but if I did miss it, I would just hold her until she fell asleep in my arms and then continue sleep training for other naps.
Short naps are tough. This is something we're dealing with as well. My older dd was a catnapper. She outgrew it by 9 months or so. With my younger dd, she also catnaps but just recently started occasionally taking 1 or 2 decent naps. And she's almost 5 m.o. It really depends on the baby.
Short naps are not cool especially for moms. Form what the books are telling, short naps mean baby is overtired. So, try to put her to bed earlier. So let's say she's asleep after 1.30 hr of awake time. Try to put her down after 1.15 hr and see if it makes a difference. I found the first morning nap is the easiest to work with, since baby had a good restorative night sleep.
Also, you can try to prolong one of the naps. When you see her waking from the nap, go in to her room and gently lay hands on her, or nurse back to sleep or hold and rock until she falls back to sleep. Whatever works for you. That's what I usually do. It's not a perfect method, but at least I can get her a one decent nap a day.
At 3 m.o. babies should nap approximately 3 times a day for 1.30 hrs plus 1 short cat nap. But this is the ideal situation and I honestly never had this with none of my kids. At 3 m.o. my youngest would have 3 short naps and one long nap (3-4 hrs long), that I was able to prolong.
That being said, sometimes even 45 minutes is considered a good nap. If your baby wakes up crying, she most likely didn't receive her necessary sleep. But if she's happy and smiling, then these 45 minutes might be enough for her.
There is one more method for dealing with short naps that you might want to look at. Can the “Wake to Sleep” Method Help Lengthen Your Baby’s Short Naps?. Many people say it helped them make naps longer.
Jenn says
Wow! Thank you so much for all the info. I'll definitely try these methods. ?
Iryna says
You're welcome!
Catherine says
Can you come to my house and help me??? I found your blog on Pinterest and love the technique! However, my two month old son is still swaddled to sleep and if I lay him down before he's sound asleep he fights to get out of the swaddle. So do I stop swaddling him this early or what? Also, how do you handle naps? If the baby keeps waking up or has too much trouble falling asleep - do you give up at some point and rock them to sleep or give up on that nap?
Iryna says
:)))
You can do it Catherine, it takes some time, but you're on the right track.
I won't stop swaddling, in fact that's very helpful for startle reflex. Is he comfortable in a swaddle? I started using Aussie swaddle with the hands up and my daughter seemed to really like it, because that's the way babies naturally sleep, with their hands up. I stopped swaddling my second daughter at 3 m.o. and I encouraged a thumbsucking which is extremely helpful for self-soothing.
Do you do all the wind down routine before each sleep? It's really important. I usually carry my daughter her arms in a dark room with a white noise on and when she starts to fall asleep, I put her down.
Sometimes though I would wait after my daughter closed her eyes and 1 minute into it, I would put her down and do shush-pat. That way, she would be more sleepy to resist me.
Right now your son's age is an advantage for you, because he's just 2 m.o., so you can use really gentle methods for sleep training and at your own pace. It will take some time, but there should be no rush at this age. Definitely be consistent and try the technique every time for each sleep, but if it doesn't work on the particular day, try again at different time. You can work on it up to 15-20 minutes for each sleep, but if a child still resists and in order to prevent over-tiredness, you can put him to sleep with your own methods. Definitely don't give up on naps, sleep is very restorative for babies.
Also, i recommend you to start introducing a lovey, in about a month or so and give it only for sleep time. That way he'll associate lovey with a sleep.
I also found the first nap of the day is the easiest to work with. So you can also start with that first nap and then work your way up to the remaining naps and bedtime.
My second daughter is 4 months old now and I started this technique from birth. But I was really flexible with it, one day I would try to get her fall asleep independently, another day, she would be overtired and I would wait until she's sound asleep before putting her down. Now, she falls asleep mostly on her own by sucking her thumb and holding a lovey. So, as I said, be flexible and work on your own pace since 2 m.o. is a great age for teaching a baby a good sleep. Don't stress too much and just try to be consistent and you'll definitely see results.
Nicole says
Hi! I just came across your article on Pinterest. I will admit, my lil man is a very good sleeper. He is 2 m.o and has no issues falling asleep on his own in his bassinet at night. We have our bedtime routine; jammies, nurse, swaddle, bassinet. Sometimes he falls asleep on the way up to the bedroom, others he's still awake when I put him down and he just drifts off by himself. My question is about naps. We don't have this routine for nap time because he usually hangs out in his swing after nursing then play and puts himself to sleep. Mind you, he is only 2 m.o and naps quite a bit, but should I worry about future nappings? I mean, he won't fit in his swing forever!
Iryna says
Hi Nicole,
Seems like you've got a pretty good sleeper!:)
So, did I understand it right, he has all of his naps in a swing? Since he goes down so easily for bedtime, I assume naps won't be a problem once he outgrows a swing. But I would recommend you to check this now. Try to put him for 1 of his naps in his bassinet. It's desirable to have a wind-down routine before each nap too. So if the bedtime routine works well for your son, you can do something similar for naps.
If he still falls asleep easily and sleeps in his bassinet during nap, then you can leave things as they are and let him sleep in a swing.
But if you see, that he's resisting napping in a bassinet, I would recommend you to start working on this issue now. He's 2 m.o, so it should be relatively easy to teach him how to fall asleep in his bassinet.
And also around 3 m.o. I recommend you to introduce him a lovey and giving it for sleep. It's a game-changer. I'm actually going to write a separate post about it soon.
Shajon says
This was awesome advise. We were rocking our little man to sleep and put him down once he was out cold in our arms/chest. He's about 2.5months, I came across your technique and our first attempt was very successful! Here's hoping it continues!
Iryna says
Hi Shajon,
I'm so glad your first attempt was successful! Fingers crossed and keep it up!
Samantha says
I am beyond ready to teach my 3 month old to sleep on her own. From the day she was born, she has always been a stubborn sleeper, and we continue to give in. Now, she falls asleep on our chest during all naps, and stays there until she wakes up (about 2 hours 3 times a day). At night, we co-sleep - she falls asleep in the Boppy after eating, we snuggle chest to chest for a while, and then I roll her onto the bed. From there she briefly wakes every 2-5 hours to dream feed, and falls back asleep.
Now that you know our awful habits, I have a couple of questions about sleep training...
Do you suggest we work on crib training for both naps and bedtime? I don't mind co-sleeping right now because she does still wake up, but I also don't want to confuse her.
I'm starting to lay her down drowsy (occasionally), and I give up after a while because I fear she's getting over tired and has been awake for 2+ hours. I know I need to be more consistent, but do I need to watch out for these awake times? What if she goes an entire day without napping?
I admit, I have been mixed up with the routine - we play, then when she starts to slow down I feed her, then try to lay her down when drowsy (or already sleeping).
Liz says
This is almost my situation exactly with my 11 week old and I have the same questions! Was there ever a response to your questions?
Iryna says
Hi Liz,
I've just responded to Samantha's question. You may take a look:)
Iryna says
Hi Samantha,
Sorry for a late reply, I must have something with my comment notification settings.
For 3 months old babies awake time is usually 2 hours maximum. Many babies get tired much sooner, so it's important to look for those sleep cues at around 1 hr mark. But if her previous nap was really short - 30-40 minutes, I would work on putting baby to sleep much earlier to prevent overtiredness.
It's really up to you if you want tackle naps and bedtime at the same time, or only naps and then bedtime. Watch how your baby reacts.
If, for example, she had good restorative naps throughout the day and she's in a good mood, you could sleep train for all naps and for bedtime. But if naps were short and she's tired, maybe limit sleep training to first couple of naps a day.
I would probably work on naps first, especially first couple of naps. Usually by evening, babies get overtired and overstimulated, so you can put her to sleep the way she used to. Naps are important so try not to go the entire day without napping.
When you lay her down drowsy, you need to be consistent, but also not lead to overtired baby. That being said, I would try shush-pat up to 20 minutes at a time. And if it doesn't work, put her to sleep your usual way, but continue working on it next nap.
I go through the same thing now with second daughter. And I know how challenging this is, especially with babies who are resentful to sleep.
You really need to be consistent, but also flexible sometimes.
Sometimes I would feed my daughter to sleep If she didn't have good naps throughout the day or if she's tired. But most of the time I try to put her drowsy and then shush-pat.
Give it at least one - two week of consistent efforts. It's hard to break the habit if a child used to go to sleep with your help, but it's possible. And it's easier to do at 3 m.o rather than at 10 m.o.
Regarding the routine, I usually recommend EAS (eat-activity-sleep), but if she's no dependent on breastfeeding to fall asleep, you could stick to your current routine, since feeding usually calms babies a little.
I follow EAS, but I always feed the baby right before bedtime after all activities to calm her and set a mood for sleep.
Kristine Reyes says
Hi Iryna,
I had problems with putting my baby to sleep from the day she came out into the world. She was a colicky baby so that's the problem there. We used to spend hours at night trying to get her to sleep or at least to stop crying because her tummy ached most of the time. I was so frustrated and it really strained my patience as well as my husband's. Thankfully, we pulled through after about 5 mos. Now, she's almost 3 years old and I now have a hard time getting her to take a nap during the day. She usually wakes up at around 8 am then sleeps at almost 11 pm! I've tried lots of stuff to get her to at least take a nap or sleep early but it seems that she's so into playing that she doesn't want to go to sleep...
What can you suggest apart from the ones you've already listed?
Thanks!
Iryna says
Hi Kristine,
Sorry for a late reply. I must have some issues with my notification settings.
We're dealing with the same problem with our 3 years old. In March she stopped taking naps and it's been really hard on me especially since i had a second baby and I was hoping they could nap at the same time. Wishful thinking:)
Sometimes she does nap though. What helped us was the following. When the nap time approaches, I let my daughter know this and I would send her to her to room. I told her, if she doesn't wan to sleep, she could stay in her room and play, but alone. Usually, my daughter would play a bit by herself and then she would get bored and tell me that she wants to sleep. So this is one thing.
Another thing, you can shift your regular nap time to a bit later, say to 3 or 4 pm and arrange a really quite time before nap. Read a story story together, cuddle. Hopefully she'll calm down during this time and it will encourage her to go to sleep. Sometimes, this method helps us.
And if nothing works, I would suggest making a bedtime much earlier to prevent overtiredness. You said, she wakes up at 8 and goes to bed at 11. That was pretty much our schedule until recently. But we decided that if she doesn't nap during the day, she needs an early bedtime. And in our family it is 7.30. Of course, she's resistant at first and screams and wants to play, but sometimes parents know better:) As soon as she's in her bed, she'll doze off in couple minutes.
Try those suggestions, hopefully something will work for you:)
Paulina says
So, OK.
My 5mo stared to be very silly for her naps. I have only been doing the rocking/holding method and it worked fine- i did not mind. But now its been a couple of weeks that every time I lay her on her chib as soon she touches the mattress she opens up her eyes and I pick her up immediately to rock her for a couple of minutes I do it at least 3 times until she falls asleep for only 20-35 min (sometimes she doesnt even nap). I saw this on pintertest and wanted to give it a try but it didnt work! 🙁 for some reason she suddenly changed her mind about napping. Sometimes she doesn't even go back to sleep and I wait for her next nap (thinking she would be more tired) but she does the same! I need help! Thanks!
Rachel says
Hey, I had the same problem with my son when he was about 4 mos. What I did to get rid of this problem was to put a firm pillow in his crib so when I put him down in the crib I put him laying on his belly on the pillow so it kind of still feels as though he is lying on me. After about three naps like this I was able to put him down in the crib without the pillow. I know it is recommended not to put your baby to sleep on his/her stomach but it worked for me. I hope this helps!
Iryna says
Hi Paulina,
Well, short naps are a big problem we had to experience as well. There's nothing I could do about them except of waiting when my daughter outgrows them. And she eventually did and started napping a normally.
Now regarding sleep training. You say that your daughter will wake up immediately after you lay her down in a crib. Given that she's used to falling asleep in your arms, it's an expected reaction and usually kids who fall asleep during rocking or nursing to sleep, wake up when transferred to a crib. The only solution here is to teach a child to fall asleep independently in a crib so that even if she wakes up, the crib won't feel like foreign place to her and she could go back to sleep on her ow.
With every sleep training you want to be consistent and do it for a minimum of a week before deciding if it works. Given that your daughter has used to fall asleep during rocking/holding, it'll definitely require some time to teach her a new routine. And some amount of crying is expected as well. But as long as you're with her and comforting her in different ways, it's not the same as leaving a child to cry-it-out and cope with a new sleep routine by herself. When I started to teach my daughter an independent sleep at 4 m.o., it took me a couple of weeks to finally see the results. First days it was quite difficult for me, but then I started noticing results and finally she could fall sleep on her own.
Give this method a week, but working on it consistently and if you feel like you don't see any results, take a couple of week break and you can repeat after that.
Marcelina says
Thank you for such a great article!
I have been trying this technique for a couple of days and find myself giving up 🙁 and nursing/rocking B to sleep. Our routine is very similar to other nursing moms... Turn on the sound machine and light music. Sit with B on the glider, read a book, nurse while rocking (if she starts to sit up (she is 11 months now) I stand up and walk around the room while rocking and nursing. I wait until she falls asleep then I try to put her in her crib. This usually wakes B up and I have to walk around and nurse until she falls asleep again and then I put her in our bed. (Her crib is in our room at this time) I lay with her, still nursing, until she falls deep asleep and then I remove the nipple. Takes anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.
But since I have been trying the technique you suggested I end up giving up after 1.5-2 hours. B rolls around in her crib. Tries to stand up. Reaches after me. It almost like she gains energy while she is in the crib. If she starts to cry I can't calm her down bc she is so mad/upset and so I nurse her to nap or sleep. Please help!! B is now waking up every few hours during the night now just to nurse.
Iryna says
Hi Marcelina,
This method works best for younger kids. You might want to modify it, because at 11 months old, a child has enough physical abilities to resist this method.
Continue with the wind down routine to prepare your daughter for a bedtime. If you want to break a nursing to sleep habit, nurse her in a different room. But, don't nurse all the way until she falls asleep.
Then, take her to your room where she sleeps, lay down next to her on a bed and stroke her back or hair or whatever she likes. Singing a lullaby may also help. Continue doing so until she almost fell asleep and make sure to stop stroking/patting just before she falls asleep to give her a chance to do this independently.
This is how I actually weaned my daughter off the breast at 2 y.o. I'm not telling you to quit breastfeeding, but if you want your daughter to fall asleep independently, you should not nurse her to sleep.
One thing though, be prepared that she will cry and first couple of times it might take some time, especially if she's used to fall asleep on your breast or during rocking to sleep. But it's not the same as cry-it-out, because you aren't leaving her alone, but trying to calm with other methods. When she's comfortable to fall asleep like that on your bed, you can transfer her to the crib and sit by the crib holding her hand or something like that while she's falling asleep. It's a gradual approach.
Also, make sure that your daughter is really tired before putting her to sleep.
All these gentle sleep training take time, longer than if you would practice cry-it-out. But consistency is a key.
Hope this helps:)